It's a Festivus Miracle!

Well, dear readers, I cleared a hurdle today. A big one.

This was my first post-op mammogram since finishing up my radiation, and I'm glad to say I passed with flying colors! Both of my girls are free and clear, at least for the next six months.

I won't go into many details, except to say that after my first diagnostic mammogram after two surgeries and 33 zaps of radiation, I will NEVER again complain about the old run of the mill screening mammo, which heretofore, I thought was the most painful thing ever. I know better now.

Get 'em checked girls. It's better to know than not know!

Hugs,
Lady Steele

Baby announcements from Mars and Venus

Reminders of how different men and women are can strike at the strangest times! We've had two babies born at work in the past couple of months. One's birth was announced by a woman, and one was announced by a man. Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

You think you can guess which came from the man?

Subject: Baby Smith is here

John Alexander Smith was born 8 lbs 12oz and 21 inches long. Mom and baby are resting and doing great. Chris said something about the baby being cute…That’s the 48th time we’ve heard him use that word in the last 2 weeks.


Subject: He is here!!!!

I am happy to pass along that

Jackson “Trey” Young Brown III

Arrived at 4:02 am this morning – 9 lbs 3 oz and 20.75”

Mom went into labor on her own yesterday, they checked into the hospital yesterday afternoon at 4, she pushed for two hours, and Trey arrived via c-section this morning.

Mom is fine and dad is ecstatic!

I have attached a picture and will send more later.

Congrats to the Brown Family!!

The Brown family baby was born first and the announcement was made by...yes, you guessed, a woman. The woman was kind enough to use lots of happy punctuation and gave us both the time and date of the blessed arrival. The man, on the other hand, gave us straight up information. No silly talk about dates or how the baby got here. No fancy schmancy punctuation or special spacing. Baby is here, all is fine.

I was excited to get the news in both cases, and both of them pretty much got the job done. But it was striking how different the messages were, both in tone and content.

I guess there might actually be something to this Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus theory. Maybe I'll spend some time thinking about that this weekend during the celebration of the six anniversary of the birth of the most spectacular child ever born. Or as MrG says, that "damn party."

Mother of The Year, indeed

Can any of you more experienced moms please weigh in on this?

LittleG: Mom, these shoes are too tight (use your whiney voice for best effect).
Me: I will fix them when we get to Nana's .
LittleG: Mom, these shoes are too loose!
Me: How can your shoes be both too tight and too loose at the same time?
LittleG: Because you won't fix my shoes.
Me: LittleG, do you realize that tight and loose are opposites? It is not physically possible for something to be both too tight and too loose at the same time.
LittleG: Nuh huh. Because YOU. ARE. THE. WORST. MOM. EVER!

All of this at the tender age of 6. Before, by the way, 8 o'clock in the morning. On a Monday.

Thanks, Mom, for taking one for the team this week. I'm sure you are having a delightful day already. Thank heavens you quit being the worst mom ever about a decade ago. I guess it's my turn to take the reins.

Happy Birthday, Little Duck

Lots of cool people have birthdays today. A guy named Peregrine White was the first child born in the New World to Pilgrims after a journey aboard the Mayflower as it sailed towards a new land and a new promise. Two Nobel peace prize winners (Selma Lagerlof and Karl von Frisch). An astronomer, Edwin Hubble, who discovered galaxies and is the namesake of the Hubble telescope. Several important political figures, Oliver Wolcott (governor of Connecticut who signed the Declaration of Independence), Robert Byrd, (D-Sen-WV, majority leader), Robert Kennedy, (D-Sen-NY assassinated), and Joseph R. Biden Jr., our very own VPOTUS. There are authors and humorists and prima ballerinas, and even Bo Derek, sex symbol extrodinaire.

But by far, the birthday that deserves the most attention is my LittleG, who turns 6 today. At 8:09 am on November 20, 2003, LittleG came in to this world at a healthy 6 lbs. 13 oz, surely the most beautiful child ever to grace the nursery in Irving, Texas.

She arrived to the joy and relief of family and friends who had prayed for her arrival for years (shout out to you and the Sunday School Girls, Mom) and went from the nurses' capable hands into the arms of her father, who knew at that moment in time that his only job in life was to keep that baby safe and happy.

To say that the first six years has flown by would be the understatement of the year. It seems like just yesterday we ushered her into her new bedroom and stared at her wondering "what now?"

Together we have watched her navigate her early years, the first tedious steps that turned into full blown running within a few days. The first words we thought would never come that now fill our home and hearts constantly. The cataclysmic growth spurt that has thrown her head and shoulders above her peers. The transition, seemingly overnight, from the Dragon Tales and Dora of her babyhood to Hannah Montana and Wizards of Waverly Place that so define her now.

I sit here, in shock and awe, of what we have created and grown together. A beautiful little girl with the sweetest smile and the warmest heart, an undescribable fashion sense, and a stubborn streak a mile wide.

I don't know what her future holds, whether she will become a famous astronomer or writer or God forbid, a politician. But I do know this - her father and I, along with her grandparents, aunts, uncles, and a swarm of family friends will be there for her no matter what. With the exception of the sex symbol. She's on her own if she goes that way....

Happy Birthday, Angel, we love you BIG MUCH!

Where exactly did this child come from?

My adorable little cherub is growing like a weed. She stands fully a head taller than most of her classmates, and she's already in a size 2 1/2 shoe. I am blaming this on her father, by the way, as I am a nice normal 5'7" tall and he towers over 6''3". But I digress.

Fact of the matter is, fall is upon us here in Texas, and I have nary a garment to keep my little darling warm during the cool fall months. Since she's been wearing uniforms to school, regular clothes have not even been on my radar. Yep, Mom of the Year, here I come!

So last weekend, we set out to solve the problem.

Me: Ok, LittleG, we have a problem.
LittleG: What's the problem, Mom?
Me: We don't have any cool weather clothes for you to wear, and we are going to see Abuela over Thanksgiving.
LittleG: So?
Me: So it's going to be cool there, and you don't have any clothes to wear.
LittleG: Can't I just wear my shorts?
Me: No, shorts won't be warm enough.
LittleG: Can't I just wear my pink dress?
Me: No, you pretty much outgrew that this spring but I didn't fight you on it.
LittleG: What are we going to do? (Read this using your best whiney voice for full effect).
Me: We have three options.
LittleG: Hit me with them, Mom.
Me: You can wear your uniforms at Abuela's house
LitteG: No way.
Me: You can go shopping with me and pick out some new clothes.
LittleG: Shopping is SO BORING, Mom.
Me: Or, you can just let me go shopping and pick out some new clothes for you. But if you do that, you have to wear what I buy for you.
LittleG: Girrrrrllll, THAT ain' gon' happen!

WTF? That ain' gon' happen? She just figured out she's half Mexican, and now she be tryin' to go all ghetto on me? Straight up, gangsta bitch!

Clearly, I am going to need therapy and some really good drugs to get me through the pre-teen years. I don't know what it's going to take to get me through the teenage years, but I'm certain there will be vodka involved. If you'd like to contribute to my mental health therapy, feel free to donate through paypal.

Peace out, peeps.

Going Stupid

I’ve not commented, on purpose, about Our Lady Sarah Palin and her antics of late for a lot of reasons. Probably the number one reason is I don’t want to be that “bitchy sick girl who doesn’t have anything better to do with her time than gripe.” But today, I’m commenting. So if you’re on Team Sarah, go ahead and step away from today’s blog. I recommend clicking here: www.sarah-palin.com. Go ahead. I’ll wait.

For those of you who hung around, this won’t be a total bitch session. But I will be bashing Lady Palin today on the rollout of her new book, Going Rogue.

It troubles me that She Who Would Have Been Queen VP chose Going Rogue as the title of her book, based on the actual meaning of the word “rogue.”

Webster’s Dictionary defines “rogue” as follows:
1. Vagrant, tramp
2. A dishonest or worthless person: scoundrel
3. A mischievous person: scamp
4. A horse inclined to shirk or misbehave
5. An individual exhibiting a chance and usually inferior biological variation

Check it here: www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/rogue. Really. You can’t make this stuff up, folks!!

Anyway, does she have an editor? Is there anyone in her camp who can point out to her that she’s now labeled herself as a tramp, scoundrel, or scamp? Or at least that she’s headed that direction, given that the word “going” implies she’s moving towards something?

I’m assuming based on previous media interviews that she has a ghost writer, since she has been unable to compose a coherent sentence on her own. Maybe the ghost writer could have pointed out politely that she might have spent a few more minutes thinking up a better title.

I watched the Oprah interview on TV yesterday in its entirety, and I have to say it was certainly more sympathetic that I had thought it would be. And I do have to admit that I hate Lady Sarah a tiny bit less today than I did yesterday. Still TOTALLY NOT a fan, but my hard little heart might have warmed up towards her just a tiny smidgen. A smidgen, mind you. JUST a smidgen.

She was either uberprepared for the Queen of Talkshows, or she might just have a lick of sense after all. She was well-spoken and kept her composure. She answered hard questions pretty credibly. She did not wink at the camera or play the “you betcha” card one time! There was none of the good old girl, pitbull with lipstick crap we saw in the campaign.

For the most part, she sounded like she had a brain and actually knew how to use it. Things might have been a whole lot different if that’s the Sarah Palin we had seen last fall. Good thing she was coached so effectively by the good old boys in the McCain camp.

Now for those of you (mostly Mom and Robin) who might be holding out hope that I’ll jump on the Palin for 2012 bandwagon, stop it right now! I think she’s totally unqualified to be the leader of the most powerful country in the world. I disagree with her on most issues, and I think it’s a crying damn shame that she played the good old girl card last fall when she’s clearly perfectly capable of portraying women as smart and credible.

She could have used last fall’s campaign to show that women can be credible politicians and play alongside the men. But her campaign, like this stupid book title, fell far short. And with that, she failed us all.

Lookin' for love in all the wrong places

From the Dumbass Criminal Files....




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